What does my husband really want for his birthday? An Olaf Scholz victory | Zoe Williams

The German elections fall on Mr Z’s birthday, and he’s decided that, as a gift to him, he would like the SPD to win. Neither of us knows a huge amount about German politics. I have some pretty good intel, from a podcast I made, that everyone standing is deeply disappointing, and nobody should win. My Mr, by contrast, has decided that Olaf Scholz represents real change. Every morning, he delivers the poll ratings. The party has gone from being 20 points behind to five points ahead. It is impossible to guess why this makes him so happy. I floated the idea that maybe he was divining some parallel uptick in Labour’s fortunes. But he said no, he just really wants to see the Social Democratic party surge to victory. From the heavy significance of his voice and eyebrows, I managed to pick up that it is my responsibility to deliver on this. “I’m not saying it’s impossible,” I said – I am, after all, totally abreast of the polls. “I’m just saying it’s impossible for me…